Hi. My name is Shaye and I'm a
religious addict. I come from a family of religious addiction. Due to this
addiction, I suffered spiritual abuse, and was guilty of perpetrating the same.
They say the first step toward
getting help for an addiction is being able to admit you have it. It's mostly
true. In my case, I first had to understand the terms "religious
addiction" and "spiritual abuse". To someone with my background,
these terms seem harsh and derogatory, like they were coined by someone with an
angry prejudice against fundamentalism. They are off-putting and more than a
little threatening.
Every now and then since I left the
ifb church, I have stumbled across these terms, particularly "spiritual
abuse". While I could eventually admit that, yes, I had been the recipient
of spiritual abuse, I could not think of the people I had known and loved as
deliberately abusive. About a month ago, I came into possession of a book
written by Rober N. Minor called When Religion is an Addiction. I bought
it, and then stuck it on my shelf, too intimidated to read it. It felt like, by
reading the book, I would have to start thinking of my parents and other
addicts in the ifb church as bad people, instead of the caring, sincere
individuals I knew most of them to be.
On the contrary, now that I have
finally found the courage to begin reading the book, I am finding a degree of
self-understanding I didn't know was possible. And as for my parents and the
other ifb addicts I know, I can think of them as sincere believers who have
become caught up in an addictive process. The harmful choices they have made in
the midst of their addiction come from a place of deep brokenness versus
deliberate intention to harm.
Here are some quotes from the book:
Arguing that religious addiction is
a process addiction, the same as workaholism and addiction to gambling… “A
process becomes an addiction when the process becomes the center of life, the
most important reason for living, when a person becomes dependent upon the
process for mood-altering relief from the rest of life.” [pg. 34]
“The addictions cause us to think
and do things that might otherwise be inconsistent with our deepest intuitions
and humane feelings.” [pg. 36]
“Like substance addictions, process
addictions substitute the “message” of the addiction for the messages inside
us. In themselves, they keep us from
being aware of and really feeling what is going on inside. These addictions come with messages that tell
us how we should feel instead of how
we do feel.” [pg. 37]
This next quote shows how easily the
addiction can move into abuse: “As addicted ones lose contact with themselves,
they lose contact with others. Others
become like objects useable for the addiction.
Addicts define others in terms of the addiction… They become out of
touch with how what they are doing is affecting, even hurting those around
them.” [pg. 38]
As I relate stories from my journey
out of the ifb denomination, I will sometime use the terms “religious addiction”
and “spiritual abuse”. When I do so, I will have the above quotes in mind. Any
commentary by me refers only to my life experiences and individuals I have
known personally; it is not meant to imply that all ifb churches or members are
the same.
I recommend Robert Minor’s book if
you or someone you know needs help with religious addiction, or if you want to
learn more about the topic. I’m still reading the book, however, so I can’t
recommend what I have not read.
